Lauren's Lament
by rainbowwriters
Summary: A short first person perspective piece about Lauren's thoughts on the suggestion Dyson makes to her at the end of 2:22.


Disclaimers: All original property is owned by Showcase, and we do not infer that any characters, creations or the concept of 'Lost Girl' are our property and the following fan fiction has been written purely for entertainment purposes only.

Pairings: Bo/Lauren

Time-Frame: Set directly after Episode 2:22 'Flesh and Blood'

Rating: T

**Lauren's Lament**

**By: Beth Dragon (Of the Rainbowwriters)**

I hate it, I hate the fact that even a part of my mind heard his words, let alone has cause to linger on them as I pack away the last of my equipment and stack the boxes and bags I brought with me into a tidy pile on the table top closest to me. Freedom. Yes, I want freedom, to have my own life, make my own decisions, not be owned. I want to be able to look in the mirror and the first thing I see not to be the damn pendant that hangs around my neck almost like a scarlet letter, publicly announcing to all my shame, my crime. But I know that that freedom comes with a price, a high price, one that I'm not sure I can pay. Not now when it fells like something else that I have always wanted, always dreamed of, even though I never truly dared believe it would happen, might just be obtainable.

"Hey Doc."

I whisper a silent curse in my head as Hale calls for my attention.

The poor siren is still covered in Kenzi's blood, well at least his clothes are, but the smile on his face is bright and as confident as ever. I force a smile onto my face for his benefit as much as anything, after all this is supposed to be a party. The Garuda is defeated, good triumphed over evil and all without another innocent casualty being added to the already too long a list.

"You haven't touched your drink." I watch as Hale moves closer and picks up my bottle of beer off the table, testing its weight in his hand even though he has already made the assessment. He holds it out to me but doesn't relinquish it even as I reach to take it. I can feel the frown dancing on my brow as he refuses to release it to my care. "I just wanted to say..." He moves closer still, his voice lower, more private. "I don't know how you thought of it, where it came from, none of that but what you had me try, for Little Momma." He pauses shaking his head at me with a look of mixed awe and happiness. "That was amazing." He finally releases his grip on the beer bottle. "I didn't know I had it in me." He sums up, bouncing back from me slightly with a spring in his step. "You really are the wiz with the biz."

"Actually Hale it was a suggested application of hypothetical data that..." I begin but force myself to stop, he doesn't need to here that I actually had no idea if it would work, no idea if he could do it, just a desperation to make Kenzi's stop bleeding and no other tricks up my sleeve. "We're all capable of amazing things." I settle on instead, with what I hope is a genuine smile. It's meant to be genuine because I do truly mean it. The siren, his sister, Dyson, Kenzi, even Vex, everyone that day had gone above and beyond to rise together to fight the Garuda and win.

"Yeah well you included Doc." The beam is back on Hale's face, possibly brighter than ever as I feel his arm being slung around my shoulder, the soft pull in it the none too subtle suggestion that I move away from my packing to join the more centralized celebration.

Just as subtly, I nimbly manage to slip free from his light embrace and motion with my beer bottle to the one half packed bag that remains over on a table top behind me.

"I will be right over." I hear myself promise, my tone lighter than I would have expected considering my mixed mood.

"I'll keep your stool warm."

I'm thankful when Hale grins and backs away, throwing his arm around his sister's shoulder on his return to the small group of revellers. Only seconds later bright laughter erupts from the five fae and I think its safe to say that my presence won't exactly be missed.

Tucking my hair back behind my ear, I turn my attention back to neatly packing the last small case of medical supplies I had brought with me into the larger bag. With any luck I could get away with doing this and then slipping out. I'm not in the mood for celebrations in the Dal and I don't even know why.

"Ah there you are, 'bout bloody time you showed back up!"

Despite my lack of vested interest in the celebrations, Vex's out cry garners just a little of my attention as I fasten up the last strap on the bag and move to check the other cases and boxes for security and transport safety. As soon as my head turns and my eyes focus, I have all the information I need to as to why he had made such a bold, loud statement in the first place, as I see Bo and Kenzi step back through the main doors into the Dal.

I don't bother looking away, don't bother to hide the soft smile that pulls at my lips as I watch her confident swagger. The one that brings her and Kenzi from the doors over to the already celebrating fae. I don't try and hide my obvious assessment of her movement, the light even strides, the high confident angle of her head, the way her mouth is slightly open, half smiling, happy.

To someone watching I could also be watching Kenzi, from a doctor's point of view I suppose. For a patient who was an hour or so ago lying so close to death's door, the young woman is back to being bright and energetic, skipping a little to keep up with her best friend, though their interlocked arms mean she's in no danger of Bo abandoning her. Bo will never abandon Kenzi. I know that, I know that fact above anything else that I know about the succubus.

I'm staring, more than that I'm aware that I'm staring and that's a no-no, for me at least, so I reluctantly draw my eyes away from Bo, the last image of her leaning over the expanse of the small table to grab her glass of wine making me smile to myself. Okay, it's true I have a slight obsession with her cleavage. No, scratch that, I have a slight obsession with her. She's my price.

When I was a little girl I never really had the dream about getting married, having children, a dog, tending to my garden on a Sunday afternoon wearing a sun dress and a floppy straw hat to protect myself from the warm early summer sun. My gardening gloves matching my apron, kneeler and gardening tool handles. I was always too busy being an explorer, mountain climber, astronaut... But then, then I grew up a little, a lot actually, met my first lover and realized that in someways life means nothing until you have shared it.

When I met and fell in love with Nadia I began to have those dreams, of a family, a future and I realized to have them I might have to fight and so I tried and all that happened was that I lost everything I had already as well as everything I had been dreaming about. Which is when my life became about a new dream, freedom. That one thing that each and every individual demands, I no longer had, and I wanted it back. Want it back but...

Damn him.

I look up again at the small group of victors, my eyes briefly on Dyson. I can feel the muscles in my jaw dancing a little as I watch him laugh softly at a comment that is being made, take a swig from his beer and then again laugh, this time harder at a comment from Hale. Why did he had to bring it up now? It would have still been true if he had waited a day, maybe two before saying it and I could have gotten through tonight easier.

I turn fully way from the group of them, determined more than every to just collect up my things and leave. I can make some excuse, that I have things that need refrigeration, sharps that need disposing of properly. I'm smart I can think of a dozen ways to just leave, so why haven't I? Why am I still here playing with the same nylon safety strap, on the same bag, that I have been for the last five minutes.

"Lauren."

My whole body freezes, my fingers stop mid motion on the strap, as if Bo's voice has some kind of paralysing quality to it, a succubus power previously unknown? One that was just effective on insatiably curious human doctors who happen to be madly in love with them?

I should say something. She wouldn't have said my name if she didn't want to talk to me. I really should say something.

"Hey."

Too late. Her hand is touching my arm, urging me to turn slightly to face her. I comply slowly, all the while trying to kick start my brain into think of something to say.

"Why does it look suspiciously like you're about to bail?" Her dark chocolate coloured eyes flicker over to take in my neatly packed surroundings before coming again to rest on me.

"You know." I reply with a soft rolling shrug of my shoulders. "Medical stuff needs to be properly stored."

"Medical 'stuff' ?" Just the way she emphasizes the word I used clearly shows how badly I've been busted.

I try instead to placate her with one of my best 'Lauren' smiles, tipping my head ever so slightly to the side.

"I'm just really not in a party mood." I try the more honest approach, using a quieter more private level of volume and tone. "It's been a long few days." I know she cannot argue with this one, after all she's the one who held me through at least one of those emotion filled but sleepless nights.

"I could take you home."

It's at that moment that I become suddenly aware once more that her hand is still on my arm, that there is still contact between us. I know for a fact she feels and sees me controlling the breath I force myself to take in, to bite back the instant 'yes' that had been ready to just escape from my lips the instant she made the offer.

"This is your party Bo, I can't take you away from your own party." I shake my head and reach to put my hand over where her's rests on my arm, effectively holding her hand in mine as I move it away from me a little.

"Then stay."

I should have expected that one, Bo was classic for the come back. Her hand curls around mine more in a proper hand holding grip.

"Bo there's all this equipment I have to move and put away and..." I glance over my shoulder at the boxes and bags, more than aware that she's not following my eye line, she's just looking at me, looking at my face, my body.

"I don't want you to go."

The words, the tone and the way soft dark eyes look at me, into me, melt me almost instantly. How does anyone ever say no to Bo? I guess staying for a little while at the party won't hurt. I let some of the tension in my shoulders drop as I turn my focus back to Bo from the boxes behind me, only to find that in my distraction the dark haired beauty has more than halved the distance that had been between us.

"Did I make myself clear?"

My lips are suddenly completely dry and I'm pretty sure I can't swallow. All I can focus on are rich dark eyes and smooth pink lips, the tip of a wet tongue that slips out between them to moisten them as I watch.

Her hand is no longer holding mine, it's wrapped around my hip, her finger tips pressing in tightly as she draws us together until our bodies touch, her other hand slides into my hair pulling my head to the side in a quick motion before her lips are on mine, urgent and hot.

Am I supposed to resist? Be the 'better woman' who remembers there is a time and a place for all things and maybe this isn't the time or the place for this? Maybe, but it's not happening.

Closing my eyes I surrender myself to her, meeting every kiss, every touch, trying to show her even if I've never actually said it, how very much I love her. And yes, there are decision I need to make, but they don't need to be made this instant. All that this moment needs to be filled with is this, her, me, us.

The End...


End file.
